The phantom of the Oh look a birdie
by Angel-of-Music1331
Summary: COMPLETE! The Story of The Phantom of the Opera. Except Christine has a very short attention span, and memory problems.
1. ELEPHANTS

Disclaimer: I don't own PotO

A/N: I needed to make another humor phic so here it is. A product of my boredom.

Summary: Basically the strange affair of the phantom of the opera, but Christine has a very short attention span, and memory problems.

Christine's Diary

Dear diary,

I had a very strange day, Here's how it went:

I looked out onto the stage, there were a lot of people there.

I felt scared.

Then we all started dancing, I thought I was doing the right thing, but everyone started

looking at me.

It did not help the scary feeling go away.

"Ms. Daae"

I heard some voice coming from the left of me, or was it right? I don't remember.

"This is ballet, not some playground!"

Oh this was ballet!

No wonder I was wearing those slippers.

I stopped playing patty cake with the air and started dancing again.

Oh look at the pretty elephant. I think I like elephants.

Then some strange people came on stage, they looked funny.

I giggled. Meg slapped me, at least I think it was Meg.

Then some guy who looked like he just walked out of the best hair salon in Paris.

His name was Raoul something-or-other.

Then a big piece of scenery fell on Carlotta, the big snotty diva person.

She was all like 'I take my doggy and leave!'

I don't what the deal is with that dog.

But any way then they told me to sing it, and I guess I said yes.

Then I was in my new awesome dressing room, it was red, like a carpet.

Later that night I went out and sang prettyful, or at least I thought it was.

Afterwards people made loud noises with their hands.

It made my ears hurt.

Well some scary voice is singing from my mirror, got to go.

Christine


	2. Angel of something

**Review Replies**

**Z: I feel so offended! Oh well, gets out marshmallow, I'm using your review to make s'mores, even if it wasn't a flame.**

**I Despise Raoul: I LOVE YOU Gives you a s'more You get a chapter dedication!**

Disclaimer: I do not own PotO and if you find out I do, please let me know

A/N: Have fun, and review!

Dear Diary,

So last night Raoul who-cares-what-his-last-name-is came in and started calling

me Little Lotte.

Does he think I'm short.

Do you think I'm short.

I don't think I'm short.

And who is this Lotte person anyway?

Maybe he has the wrong person.

Anyway, Meg asked me who my teacher was, and because I couldn't tell her I

forgot so I made up a story.

It went something like this.

_Once upon a time..._

_There was a little girl _

_(Little as in young, not short)_

_And her father was..._

_Hey look there's a rose on my desk. OW roses are sharp._

_...dying and he told here that when he died he would..._

_(I miss my dad, I wonder what his name is, maybe I'll visit him for Christmas, what if _

_he's dead too?)_

_... Send her "The Angel of Music" _

The Meg said I was crazy.

I AM NOT CRAZY.

So then the creepy voice started singing again and he was in my mirror!

And then it opened!

He took me down this really long dark hallway thing with lots of torches,

I like torches.

He looked funny.

He wore a dress suit around, it was kinda scary, but not so much

as the mask, it was white, and shiny.

I LIKE SHINY THINGS!

And a BIG black hat. I think he said it was called a _fedora_ or something, maybe it

was a frito.

Oh well. Then there was a lake, and I mean a BIG lake.

And a boat, a small boat.

Some big piano, I think it was called an origami, or something close.

Then I woke up this morning, or maybe it was night, I couldn't tell.

The scary dude is apparently the Angel of Mayonnaise, or maybe it was

Music, like in the story, it probably was.

I took off the shiny mask, it wasn't as shiny underneath. Oh well.

It seemed to matter to him because then he got all mad and made come back up

here.

I'm bored, let's go see what Meg is doing.

Christine

A/N: That was fun! Review if you value your lives.


	3. NACHOS

**Review Replies (OMG look how many!)**

**anna: Thanks I try.**

**piratingelvenpyro: Thank you. It took me like 2 min. to come up with the title.**

**Anynomus: I would like to know your name, but whatever. Be careful chairs **

**hurt when you fall out of them.**

**JennAnn: I like people who love my phics!**

**I Despise Raoul: I will have many more word confusions coming up! It is so **

**phun to write.**

**PhantomFlutePlayer: Well Christine is partially based on me so it was really **

**easy to do. But thanks!**

**Anonymous: Do you people just not have names or something? Anyway, feel **

**better, or not and miss more school.**

**AR5989: That hurt! No s'mores for you!**

**Nota Lone: Everyone likes Fritos, and mayonnaiseThrows at reviewers**

**Shelvins: Well if you can visualize it, it is probably good.**

**ElementalMageofFire: You guys like quoting me. And I don't mind you get s'more!**

**PhantomsHeart: A monkey you say! hmmm. okay if that's what you think I **

**won't stop you.**

**Tango1: Look there is more. You rock, Chapter dedication for you!**

**ErikTheDevilsChild: It is not Christine bashing, okay maybe it is. That's not the point. Okay maybe it was.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PotO, I do own the parody of Raoul I've been there.**

Dear Diary,

I'm cold, I just got off of the roof, well you see we were doing a production of _Il Muto_

and Caramel or what ever started making froggie noises!

Well then the BIG shiny

(Yay shiny!)

Sparkly thing came down and they want me to go sing it.

Well I got bored and brought Raoul whats-his-face to the roof to show him the

sparkly snow.

He thought I was scared, so he asked me to marry him.

But Angel of Mustard wouldn't like it very much.

But if he doesn't know then he won't be mad, right?

But he might make me stop singing all prettyful.

Then Raoul offered me a Cheeto and I said yes.

He thought I meant to marring him and he gave me a ring it was very shiny.

We sang to, it went something like this:

Raoul, I've been there -

to his world of

unending night . . .

To a world where

the Cheese melts

into salsa . . .

salsa . . .

Raoul, I've seen him!

Can I ever

forget that sight?

Can I ever

escape from that face?

So shiny,

sparkly, it

was such a cool mask,

in that darkness . . .

darkness . . .

And his food

filled my stomach

with a strange, sweet taste . . .

In the nachos

there was always

To be cheese . . .

And through nachos

my soul began

to soar!

And I tasted

as I'd never

tasted before . . .

RAOUL:

What you tasted

was a dream

and nothing more . . .

ME:

It was real

Because then

I got a paper cut . . .

And then it hurt,

And in dreams

You can not feel . . .

RAOUL (Eating Cheeto)

Cheesy . . .

Cheesy . . .

Then I said yes.

And as I walked down I herd the Angel of Molasses shouting at the sky, he was really loud.

R&R


	4. SHINY

**Review Replies:**

**AmandaTheVampireLove: YAY! you're back. Chapter Dedication for you.**

**PhantomFlutePlayer: Wait do you mean what would Erik BEFORE or AFTER killing me**

**Phangirl321: You agree with me YAY!**

**I Despise Raoul: Don't you hate when people stare at you like that! Tell your friends I appreciate it.**

**Kianra17: You don't need to tell me I assume if you review you'll take a marshmallow! Thanks.**

**Kat097: You're so not alone. I based Christine purely on me.**

**jessie-ashley: I think each and everyone of us can, or knows someone who can relate to Christine.**

**arielle: Thank you very much.**

**Nota Lone: I know. It's very sad.**

**ChristineAngelOfMusic: YAY! I like people who say nice things like that.**

**Tango1: Well he is after all Raoul something-or-other he can get cheetos anytime he wants!**

**Sister Of The Avatar: What must I keep telling you people CHAIRS ARE DEADLY! My friend fell out of a chair and needed stitches!**

**Bumble0Bee: Wow that was short.**

**I love Erik: okay well I wouldn't say stupid, that sounds mean. My phrase of choice would be _mentally challenged._**

**VioletAshkevron: I like making days it's easy**

**Ingredients for days:**

**1 cup laughter**

**2 oz stupidity**

**8 tsp originality**

**3 cups parody**

**and **

**one eyelash**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING BUT MY IDEAS!**

Dear diary,

The Opera House finally decided to listen to my fabulous idea and have a big party.

Angel of Markers was there, he brought a book.

It had lots of dots inside.

They looked like red m&m's.

He took the pretty necklace Raoul gave me, I WANTED THE CHEETO!

But the necklace was shiny!

I want it back.

Angel of Macaroni brought a sword!

It was shiner then my necklace.

I want a sword!

Back to the party, someone spiked the punch and Meg told me not to drink it.

Stupid stagehands.

Some lost sheep form an old opera came up to me and started eating my dress!

He was fuzzy, it was like wool or something.

All in all it was a fun party, even with the Angel of Mattress' rude intervention.

Christine

A/N: Review, it inspires me.


	5. Daddy

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ideas

Dear diary,

I asked Meg's mommy where my daddy is.

He went boom and now lives with the wormies.

I want to visit him. I think I will.

Angel of monkys wants me to sing the M&M book for him.

Raoul who-the-heck-about-his-life wants me to as well.

I don't like the M&M book, it's scary and red.

Raoul fopish-dude says that every pope and every pear rests on me now.

He doesn't mind the M&Ms I think he should sing it then.

I told him he could wear a pretty dress, he said no.

Though he said he wanted the dress afterwards it had "Sentimental" value.

I think he just wants to play dress-up.

I don't care what he thinks, because he told me not to go see daddy.

I thought he wouldn't mind, I was wrong.

Tonight I'm going to go anyway.

We'll just see how he likes them apples.

Will write tonight,

Christine


	6. I DON'T WANNA!

A/N: Sorry for the long update. Here's one for you though.

Disclaimer: I never have and never will own PotO.

Dear diary,

I went to see Daddy today,

BAD IDEA!

Well I get there and I told Daddy how much I missed him, and Angel of Mexico

started singing to me.

Then Raoul came and tried to make me leave. But I didn't want to go.

Anyway there was some fire, and then Raoul made me leave.

I think he should have asked me about it first.

But now he says I have no choice but to sing the M&M book.

But I still think it's scary.

Do I really have to sing, I mean it's got big words in it and I don't like big words all

that much.

What are we talking about again?

Oh yeah the M&Ms. I DON'T WANNA SING!

Well I got to go and sing

(even though I REALLY don't want to)

Later,

Christine


	7. PRINGLES

A/N: I love you people huggles reviewers You guys are great. So here we go. Oh the diary thing just won't work for the next chapter or so, so now we're in Christine's brain.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but the song.

Well it's time for the dreaded M&M book, I made it this far.

Then Angel of Muffins started singing to me. He had a not so shiny mask on but

that was okay with me. I was hungry.

**Past the point of so much food **

**Here have some Pringles**

**Our meals from my easy bake oven are at an end. **

**Past all thought of "if" or "when" **

**No use resisting **

**Abandon thought and let the dream descend **

**What tasty food shall flood the soul **

**What rich desire unlocks its door **

**What sweet desserts may lie before us? **

**Past the point of so much food **

**The final course **

**What warm untried flavors **

**Will we taste **

**beyond the point of so much food?**

Then there was silence so I guessed it was my turn now.

**You have brought me **

**To that moment when food run dry **

**To that moment when food disappears **

**Into hunger**

**Hunger. **

**I have come here, **

**Mostly because you have offered me chips.**

**In my mind I've already imagined**

**Some more of the food**

**That you have in your fridge. **

**Now I am here with you **

**And you have chips **

**I've decided **

**Decided. **

**Past the point of so much food **

**No going back now **

**Our twelve course meal has now at last begun.**

**Past all thought of good or bad **

**One final question **

**How much food can we eat before we're full? **

**When will the food begin to fill **

**The hungry girl shall be done **

**When will the fullness at last overtake us? **

Then he joined me which I thought was mean that he interrupt my solo but

whatever.

**Past the point of so much food **

**You can't escape now **

**The meal's been served**

**So eat and eat some more**

**We've passed the point of so much food.**


	8. Die, Marry

A/N: Um hi guys, again sorry for the wait. I'm in the process of moving and my house is pretty hectic.

Disclaimer: I don't own PotO but I do own a bracelet of it.

Down we went down through the narrow corridors

that made funny noises when my shoes hit the ground.

Through the icky yucky lake. And finally to a house thingy.

The angel of macramé gave me a pretty dress to wear,

it wasn't shiny, but it was still pretty.

Then there was a loud thump noise and Angel dude said that is was

Raoul-de-fopsipants.

Then he showed me a very pretty box and

when he opened it there were some pretty keys.

They were VERY SHINY!

He said if I turned one of them I gots to marry him,

and the other I blow everyone up.

I like blowing things up,

But then we'd all like die.

I didn't really want to die.

Die, marry, Die, marry, Die, marry, Die, marry, Die, marry, Die, marry, Die, marry.

Wait which one was marry again? (A/N:Thank you moocat)

A/N: I know it was short but this is the second to last chapter!


	9. ENDING

A/N: I am SO SORRY! I've been moving and just got my computer hooked up

(for those of you that got reviews from me it was from my moms laptop, but I'm not

allowed to write on it.)

Oh and for those of you who never read the book cough losers cough

Grasshopper marry Scorpion blow up/die

Disclaimer: I don't own PotO, Pringles, or any other items I use in this story

6969696969696969

hmmmmm... well grasshoppers hop so maybe that's the blowy upy one,

but that other thing might hop higher, or it could fly.

Well you know what! I think that grasshoppers are quite ugly.

Then again that other thing isn't exactly pretty.

I started to reach for the grasshopper but angel of masks gave me a funny look.

(A/N: For those of you who have seen the Lon Cheney version, you'll know what I mean)

So I turned the other one.

There were footsteps and chanting that sounded a whole lot like an angry mob.

Angel of Music (She needed to get it at some point) told me to leave,

I didn't want to his fridge was full of food!

And don't tell him but I took some pringles, and the **SHINY!** sword.

I used the sword to kill Raoul, 'cause all he would talk about was shoes.

I went on to lead a full and happy life.

A/N : IT'S OVER! I have an idea to do a sequel type thing with all the jobs Christine gets. Review.


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